


bandaids are no good for heartache

by handulce



Series: vibe hour (but not really) [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Chatting & Messaging, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Felix is a sweetheart, Han Jisung | Han & Kang Younghyun | Young K are Siblings, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Han Jisung | Han Needs a Hug, Han Jisung | Han-centric, High School, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Online School, Self-Esteem Issues, Texting, jisung is doing his best, set during 2020 quarantine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:28:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28006950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handulce/pseuds/handulce
Summary: jisung was trying, he really was. but sometimes, he wished he could feel half as important as his siblings.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: vibe hour (but not really) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035012
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	bandaids are no good for heartache

**Author's Note:**

> more projection yay :( i swear my days are so hot and cold ... i was fine a few hours ago but now i just feel so sad and all i want to do is cry, but i dont know for /why/ lmaooooo :,/
> 
> n e ways this is inspired by keshi's 'bandaids'
> 
> btw 'the smart one' is just an unidentified younger sister in like middle school lmao, and the other younger sister is like ~5 ish
> 
> tw !  
> self deprecating thoughts, emotional neglect/bad parenting

jisung swore his heart stopped. his eyes began to blur and his hand began to shake. his grades in spanish and physics are _finally_ starting to crawl their way back up. ever since quarantine started, his ambition as a student completely plummeted. his higher than average grades dropping to b's and c's, and his motivation to get them back up was completely gone.

it just felt so optional, all the assignments felt like busywork, and it was near impossible to get caught cheating. so he let himself slip, let himself get stuck in the thoughts that told him he wasn't enough, that it wouldn't matter if he ended up rotting in his room with his unfinished assignments.

so needless to say, jisung was so fucking happy, elated even, when he opened his grades portal and saw the red of a d+ change to a pale peach of a c-.

the famsquad (5)

guysguys :(

my grade in physics went up :(

_22:05_

**birthgiver**

physics sounds tough

**bRiaN**

lol at least you're not failing like how i failed precalc 

_22:07_

yeah

it is tough :/ 

i was at a d+ a few days ago 

_seen by 4 at 22:07_

**x chromosome**

can someone come get your little sister

she fell asleep on the couch 

**the smart one**

i got it. i was going downstairs anyway

jisung's happiness quickly turned to dread. he had recalled his younghyun hyung having the exact same conversation with his mom earlier that day. his mother praised him, told him that they would get junk food at the gas station to celebrate it, told him that she was so proud of him. that college was so hard, that he was doing his best.

but jisung was doing his best too, did his family not see that? 

everyday jisung woke up dreading the day, staying in bed up until the last minute before pulling out his laptop. it was a struggle for him to just wake up, and it was a million times more difficult to handle the stress of the loads of online work his teachers had assigned. jisung didn't remember school to be this hard, being this draining. it was sucking all the happiness out of him and making him an empty shell without a soul or a brain.

he was doing his best too. he was, he was. jisung wasn't nearly as important as his siblings, it was something he was trying to come to terms with, but the least everyone could do was make it less _obvious_.

the tears of happiness were gone, and one would expect for him to start crying for a different reason after that short conversation. but nothing, jisung had nothing, felt nothing. the tears were gone and he just felt so empty and so lonely.

the boy silently pulled his headphones from his nightstand, and looked for his favorite song, letting it play on repeat as if it would stitch the cracks in jisung's heart.

" _my heart is broken.. down to my core... it's not what i wanted_ ," he choked out the lyrics, but it came out dry without the tears to accompany them. " _i don't know what i want anymore_..."

_@haengbokkie (invisible) & @quokakakakaka (idle)_

**haengbokkie**

sungieeee

whats wrong :(

you've been listening to bandaids for half an hour 

do you wanna talk :((

well

argh

i just feel worthless aha ha

:,//

**haengbokkie**

babyboi :(

you're not worthless :(

did something happen to make you feel that way?

if you want to share!!

i would like to help you though, if you'd let me🥺

lix :((

idk its just

online school is so hard lixie

it shouldn't be harder than it was when we were in person

or at least i don't remember it being this hard

and i have no motivation to do anything

i skipped class once and now i do it every week

i didn't do one assignment and now i'm missing 25 

and i swear im trying to fix that but its just so hard 

the pile of work just keeps getting bigger and bigger every week and i just dont know how to do it

i feel so stupid for not knowing the material, for constantly begging everyone for the homework

and for once i want to feel like my parents care about my efforts :(

i want to feel like they're actually proud of me :(

Thats It

aha

sorry for spamming

**haengbokkie**

no no sungie :(

im so so proud of you baby :( so very proud of you

this year has been so fucking difficult, and you are so valid for feeling the way you do, sungie

you really are

what you do is enough, it is enough baby

i'll tell you as many times as you need to hear it

your efforts are enough /you/ are enough

i'm sorry your parents act the way they do :( it's not nice of them to do that 

i love you sungie, okay?

im so proud of you

i always have been

no matter what your parents do or don't tell you, you're so important b

you matter a lot

i pinky promise you ^o^ !

jisung didn't know what to reply, instead shutting off his phone and letting the tears fall. felix was an angel, he really was. he knew felix wouldn't be mad at him for taking his time to answer. felix wasn't like that, and his heart warmed at the thought of his twin's welcoming messages once hw found it in him to respond.

he took the song off loop, letting spotify shuffle the songs in his playlist. 

and he hoped felix would see though the activity feed on discord, and secretly know that it was thanks to his best friend, that jisung was still pulling through.

maybe jisung felt stupid, and so unreasonably sad, but felix was like a ray of light in the dark. and jisung could only hope he helped felix feel the same.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this mess <3 
> 
> stay safe <33


End file.
